TV PREVIEWS
Air Force Afghanistan, Friday 8pm, Five 
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If we didn't know any better, we'd swear this documentary about Kandahar airbase was a recruitment film. There is some token military activity: a night-time patrol, a lone Harrier scaring off Taliban insurgents, a secret "hearts and minds" operation to deliver a 200-ton turbine so the locals can have electricity. However, the emphasis – rather bizarrely, given the fact more than 100 British soldiers have lost their lives in Afghanistan – is firmly on fun.
"It's like summer camp!" new recruit Nathan chirrups as he receives a tour of the base. You can see his point. Housing £1bn of Nato hardware and 100,000 soldiers from around the world, the airbase is a bustling community, complete with fast food outlets, sports pitches, and even a weekly market, where you can buy everything from a hubbly-bubbly to a Mosque-shaped alarm clock.
"You've got Pizza Hut, Subway… " the recruits' guide intones. "Burger King burned down a couple of months ago." Shame. Oh, and the Poo Pond. No, not a particularly exotic takeaway, but a huge sewage works, the size of three Olympic swimming pools. It is a little stinky, admittedly – but, hey, all the accommodation blocks have air con.
A little further on and groups of soldiers are playing ping pong, American football… even ice hockey (with real ice!). And if sport isn't your bag, you can always relax at the massage parlour. "These are my girls," says the proud proprietor, gesturing to a group of meek-looking women in full-makeup. "They're all from Thailand, so they know what they're doing." Nathan can hardly believe his eyes. "I don't trust myself getting a massage," he says, sniggering like a schoolboy. Anyway, moving swiftly on…
In next week's instalment, the camp gets even camper as the recruits don full drag. Crikey, let's hope there isn't a rocket attack, or the British army could end up with its knickers in a twist – quite literally.
by Claudia Pattison, Friday 12 June 2009
